Dear Satellite Navigation System,

I love you very much but the last few days have been fraught; we need to talk.

You and I have come a long way together and I would hate to see the end of such a beautiful … Talking about coming a long way - why did you take me on that 45 mile detour last night! I have a friend who travelled the same points A to B and she clocked up only ten miles - we did fifty-something. Long windy country roads are very nice but not in the dark.

Much of your behaviour was inexcusable and I demand an explanation for it. You cannot lead me to a river and declare that there is no possible path. We have a dedicated system of roads and it is your job to navigate your way through the system. Rivers have bridges and you must learn how to find and cross them. Try to look at it from my point of view, Sat Nav. You were, in effect, saying that it was impossible for me to go home. Can you imagine my distress? Luckily, I was able to get us out of that muddy situation and for that you should be grateful!

Much later in our journey, you made pathetic little noises about losing your memory. You had a whole gigabyte of memory but chose to spring it from your slot. Get a grip on yourself - it was only a tiny bump in the road. Did I jump up and bang my head on the car roof? Of course not! Yes, I know I had a seat belt but you have a holder and you must learn to sit tight and keep hold of your cards.

I snarled at you and I am sorry for that but your reaction was uncalled for. Throwing a fatal exception and asking whether you wanted me to delete all your data could ( in human terms) be described as being too damn sensitive!

I have formatted your little card and given you a new map.

I very much hope that we can come to terms with each other and look forward to a happier relationship.

Love Kat